Mae's Thread: Darn

Stitching together the truth in your story.

An Important Note: This blog post may touch on themes of grief and trauma, including the loss of a child, accidental death or injury, or moral injury. It is written from a peer's perspective, not a professional counselor. If you think this content could be difficult for you to read, we recommend having a trusted counselor review it first.

A Jonah Day

A few years ago, I had the opportunity to think a whole lot about Jonah because my daughter was going through a serious VeggieTales binge, and at the same time she loved a certain pop-up book where she would “help” a very big fish swallow Jonah whole!

The Book of Jonah was also one of the poetic books that we studied in one of my Hebrew classes at university. Did you know that the Book of Jonah is a Hebrew poem, full of alliteration and meaning and beauty? A few things I still remember are that the name Jonah means “dove” and the word for sailor in Hebrew literally means “salty one.”

During Old Testament times, turtle doves (tor) or (yonah) were allowed as substitutes for the more expensive, lavish sacrifices of the rich. Doves, therefore, were the sacrifice of the poor. They are mentioned in scripture as having a mournful song, and were symbolic of both innocence and tender vulnerability.

This may be just me, but I also think about calling birds. Considering the story of Jonah, this reminds me of how a missionary is “sent out” with a message in his or her “beak” to proclaim the truth of God's mercy and love. (Jonah was not the most willing, but he was a missionary nonetheless!)

Jonah happens to be one of my mom's favorite Biblical prophets. Do you know why? It's because he never says one glamorous, glorious, or even good thing about himself in his entire book. The Bible leaves us guessing as to whether or not Jonah truly repented of his lack of compassion toward the Ninevites (something which he struggled with from beginning to end).

Yet, it's interesting to note that the Ninevites have long revered and honored the prophet Jonah even to this day.

The Ninevites claim that Jonah lived among them for the rest of his life. A place called Jonah's Tomb was considered sacred to them until very recently, when it was destroyed by ISIS during a political conflict in 2014. 

One of my favorite scenes from the movie Anne of Avonlea includes a quote about Jonah. Anne is chastising herself over how she had just treated her good friend Gilbert Blythe during an argument. She tearfully throws herself on her bed and says:

“Oh Marilla, such a Jonah day!”

It's such a vivid reminder to me that every person on earth knows what it's like to go through failure. That doesn't magically make everything “A-okay!”

But, it does help me to see my life through God's perspective a little bit more.

When I am weighed down by the heaviness of my own failure, I think of Jonah.  I think about the fact that even though God had to hurl him out of the belly of a big fish (and spit him up onto dry land!), he still used his life for great good.

I believe there are even some Ninevites in Heaven today because Jonah took the message of repentance and forgiveness to them (albeit while kicking and screaming all the way!).

Get Out of Jail Free Card?

It's good for us to remember that God can still use us, even after we've royally blown it. Let's talk about the fact, though, that grace is not an exemption from all consequences. 

Fundamentally, God's grace has provided a way to spare us from the greatest consequence of all: being apart from Him for all eternity. Yet, God is also a loving Father who wants to teach us the right ways to walk. At times this can mean allowing us to bear the weight of the natural consequences of our actions.

So, what is all of this talk about grace, if God doesn't spare us from every difficult trial or consequence?

A Balancing Act

It's important to be clear here. Many people who carry a moral burden already feel as if the consequences they've faced were not nearly enough. This is widely considered a normal and common response to trauma.

Not only that, but many people working through their trauma have truly done nothing wrong!

That is exactly why I must tread softly here. When someone is grappling with a moral wound, it is important not to take on more blame than is actually due. God does not want us to believe lies. What is more, our own internal critic can often be harsher than any external source.

Instead, God wants us to walk in complete and balanced truth—which can be very difficult to do. Additionally, many people coping with a moral wound may also find themselves struggling with self-advocacy or the ability to see themselves as worthy of protection or love.

Every person’s circumstances are different. What may seem very black and white to outsiders can be very gray in reality. There can be factors that others might not understand or are not willing to acknowledge.

In light of all these things, how can we (as finite mortal human beings) best discern the actions we need to own, and the factors that are truly outside of our control? I believe this is something that only time, wise counsel, and God can help us work out.

This will likely not happen overnight. At least, not when something truly traumatic has taken place. We have to extend ourselves the grace to face things one day at a time. In fact, in the initial stages of grief or shock, survival may be the thing that is utmost on a person's mind. And that's okay. 

If you're still in that stage, just breathe. You don't have to figure everything out in one day.

The Grace to Face Truth

Jesus and Zacchaeus

(Luke 19:1-10) 

1Then Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. 2And there was a man named Zacchaeus, a chief tax collector, who was very wealthy. 3He was trying to see who Jesus was, but could not see over the crowd because he was small in stature. 4So he ran on ahead and climbed a sycamore tree to see Him, since Jesus was about to pass that way.

5When Jesus came to that place, He looked up and said, “Zacchaeus, hurry down, for I must stay at your house today.” 6So Zacchaeus hurried down and welcomed Him joyfully. 7And all who saw this began to grumble, saying, “He has gone to be the guest of a sinful man!” 8But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord, half of my possessions I give to the poor, and if I have cheated anyone, I will repay it fourfold.”

9Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man too is a son of Abraham. 10For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”

Zacchaeus understood that accepting Christ into his life meant more than just getting to share a few dinner parties with him. It meant having the power to face all consequences of his former actions. This is the example that Christ wants us to follow, as we seek to understand what it means to take ownership of our past mistakes and failures.

The question then becomes: will accepting appropriate responsibility require acknowledging that God is done with me? 

Confessing and owning our mistakes does not mean that we are no longer usable by God! 

Jeremiah 18:1-6 says it this way:

“This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: 2 “Go down to the potter's house, and there I will give you my message.” 3 So I went down to the potter's house, and I saw him working at the wheel. 4 But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.

5 Then the word of the Lord came to me. 6 He said, “Can I not do with you, Israel, as this potter does?” declares the Lord. “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, Israel.”

God knows how to take you into His hands and create something completely brand new—something He can even use for His glory and for the good of those around you.

The Love of God

One of my favorite hymns says it so well:

1 The love of God is greater far than tongue or pen can ever tell; it goes beyond the highest star, and reaches to the lowest hell; the guilty pair, bowed down with care,God gave His Son to win; His erring child He reconciled, and pardoned from his sin.

Refrain: O love of God, how rich and pure! How measureless and strong! It shall forevermore endure:the saints’ and angels’ song!

2 When years of time shall pass away and earthly thrones and kingdoms fall, when men who here refuse to pray, on rocks and hills and mountains call,God’s love so pure shall still endure, all measureless and strong; redeeming grace to Adam's race—the saints’ and angels’ song.

3 Could we with ink the ocean fill and were the skies of parchment made, were ev'ry stalk on earth a quill and ev'ry man a scribe by trade, to write the love of God above would drain the ocean dry; nor could the scroll contain the whole, tho' stretched from sky to sky.

– The Love of God, Frederick M. Lehman (1917)

Dear One, can you trust that God is cheering you on today? I believe He's asking you to trust in His great love and that His ultimate desire is for your good.

Even when facing whatever may come.